I’ve decided that I will continue making this comic for myself. And that there are a lot of steps I need to take to discover who exactly “myself” is, now, without Amanda—without someone to rely on who is not named Allan.

The first step was for me to decide how I’d like to continue this comic. I postulated over a variety of alternative comic ideas, some ranging from Hyperbole and a Half to just continuing this Allan style. I realized I enjoy fast, quick comics. Vignettes. I don’t want to spend hours thinking about the right pose or angle for this comic; I want to talk about what I want to talk about and be done with it.

Over a number of months I’d forgotten that the author’s notes were an integral part of my comic; not just something that adds a little more detail but a piece of the comic themselves. Much like Hyperbole and a Half, I rely on text to finish my thought, because I really don’t want to write all this out, and I don’t want you to have to read it if you don’t want to. Of course, I’m not doing this for you, but that is besides the point. I want to make this comic for me, now, and I so am. Sometimes I do quick, shitty comics because I want to. It’s as simple as that.

My public transportation trips to my college have given me copious downtime. I wake up at 9 am or earlier and leave for the bus by 10. If I don’t catch it by 10:50 (and it is a bike ride away), I won’t make it to class in time by noon. So I have about 2 hours every day with nothing to do. I have taken to reading. Currently, then Ender’s Game series by Orson Scott Card. It has been a wonderful distraction, taking me outside of my life and putting me into a fantastic universe while simultaneously granting me inspiration for my own SciFi series, The Future Universe. I’m currently on the second book of the series, Speaker for the Dead. If you have never heard of Ender’s Game, I cannot recommend it enough.

As I mentioned before, reading books has granted me a boon of alienation from my own problems; reading them puts me into a world where I don’t have to do the thinking—Orson does it for me, and he does it so well. I’m excited to begin the third book, Xenocide, as I’m close to finishing the second.

Some nights, though, I miss drawing, even if it is just little doodles like these, and I’ve decided when I feel that way to just go ahead and draw something. I’ve been thinking about literal steps for myself to take to improve my mental health. There are a lot, and I want to go over them. I want to chronicle them, maybe for me, maybe for posterity, maybe for my children, and maybe just for art. I miss art, and I think that’s a good thing. There are a lot of things I miss, and if you’re reading this, hopefully you’re excited to see what they are. I feel like I want to draw them, and it would be nice if you would like to read about them. If not, that’s okay, too.

For class, I had to work on some Motion Graphics for an assignment. I spent a few hours in Blender, Flash, Illustrator, Audition, Premiere, and After Effects, and came up with this short 1-minute-30-seconds-promo-video for The Future Universe. It’s nothing to write home to mother about, but it gave me more experience in some of these programs and hopefully will lead the way to some new projects. I’m still not sure what my final will consist of, but it exist somewhere within the realm of a short, animated narrative, animated in a similar style.

I won’t say “I’M BACK IN ACTION, BABY,” because I am done making promises for people besides myself, but I am enjoying writing. I am enjoying talking about things. I am enjoying my classes and I am actually enjoying my life. Believe it or not, that primal fear that lonliness = death quickly passed and I’m back to tackling my situation on my own. I’ve applied to jobs to cover the rent that Amanda is no longer paying and I’m doing everything I can to take care of myself. Over the next few updates, as aforementioned, I will talk about these steps. And if you want to talk to me on twitter or tumblr, feel free.

Here’s another project I did to make myself happy: Minecraft with some friends(officially entitled “EnderQuest: Legend of the Dargon”). We recorded it and made fools of ourselves. You can watch it, and maybe enjoy it. It was fun to play, and we will do more in the future—hopefully even better!

I think that about sums it up. You can check back tomorrow for more comics. I bet there will be another one.