I’ve been struggling with feeling successful, lately, because I define my own success, and I’ve never been defined by how much money I make or how prestigious my titles are – I define myself by my ability to create art that captures my unique worldview and by my ability to evolve. I feel trapped in my life and at work behind a wall of debt and a 40+ hour work week. I feel like it defines who I am; a “tech writer” rather than an artist because I rely on it to survive and repay the debt I feel I was goaded into accepting. A lifetime of coercision and “realism” and no outside possibility of pursuing a challenging albeit fulfilling future that I determined – not society.
But these are lessons I’ve had to learn independently. Painful lessons. But something I will eventually overcome and move past. I wish I didn’t feel trapped in the middle of another “transition” as I did in college. As I did in community college. As I did in high school. The “advice” I’ve grown up hearing has directed me to pursue a “reasonable” life when every part of who I’ve been my entire life has been unreasonable. I hope my comics and my art has reflected that. I never wanted a normal life – I wanted my life, my way.
Anyway, I’m ranting. I feel alone in this struggle. I know I have family and friends who will say “we are here for you, we love you,” but I’m still here, dealing with this monotony every day for the next decade of my life.
I’m sure I’ll talk about this more later. Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoy the color.
I do enjoy the color. Hey… You are an artist, regardless of how you make most of your money (tech writing). Your job isn’t what defines you. From what I read in Allan and am reading now, you are a fun, quirky, complicated, loveable person who is going thru something lots of people have… But that doesn’t diminish your experience of it because your situation is unique. I remember stopping my daily strip (drawn for 4.5 years) and losing those friends slowly. And working a technical arts job when all I wanted was to tell stories and bring people a spark of joy. Both those things are hard – loss of friends and disenchantment. You’re not alone and you’ll get thru it. (Or maybe you have; I haven’t caught up yet.)
I remember your work, Josh. I was always impressed with it. My ex and I would discuss your comic and compete to share more vulnerable moments. I forget how yours and my paths originally crossed, but I have fond memories. I know we were kinda associates/peers due to our subject matter.
Thanks so much for popping in, commenting, catching up. I’m going through a lot these days and your attention has forced me to log in twice now and remember that people do care. I’m following you on Instagram, now. I have this magnetic attraction to journal comic folks now that we’re a decade-and-a-half older. If you’re up for it I’d love to chat sometime. I have a Discord that is beginning to have some kind of weird chatroom culture. If you’re up for it, you’re invited!